Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
