actually, I'm a sock model
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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