It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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