I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sorry about my life...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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