If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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