Don't make out with my wife yet
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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