i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
