47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
