would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Can I color on your dick again?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
