you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
