I will die if light touches me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
