you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
