from now on my penis is your penis
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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