If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
