you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think people are normalizing furries
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
