Just fell off a train. Bad.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
