Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
