so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
