If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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