I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
