Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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