Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
