In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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