getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
