Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
