i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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