Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
