I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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