i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
