areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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