you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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