I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
