Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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