You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
