Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
