Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
