All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
