Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
