1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
