It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
