her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
