so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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