so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
