absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
