I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
