I hate your face
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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