I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
