I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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