im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
