I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
