today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
