dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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