I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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