Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
