His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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