I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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