i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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